a two-step process to letting go and forgiving

Two phrases all of us face in our lifetime, but few know how to deal with it in a healthy way.

I have the best intentions of starting a podcast, but first I need to have a schedule of topics. So when I sat down to write my topics, I drew a complete blank.

Questions danced in my head over and over, like:

  • What do people want to know?
  • What topics could I come up with that would be engaging and make people want to tune in?
  • What do people struggle with and need help in getting the answers too?
  • What do inquiring minds want to know? (Hat tip to The Enquirer!)

I headed to social media to ask my audience. I thought if I couldn’t come up with any topics, maybe they could help me out.

I received a handful of ideas, but one that really stuck out to me, and it’s one question that I had wondered myself for most of my life. So, I had a feeling it would be a good one.

The question: “How exactly do you let go?”

I thought about it for a minute and almost panicked because the answer didn’t come to right away even though I knew what to do.

Ah, finally! I thought to myself, duh. You’ve been doing it for the last several months. LOL.

Ok, so let me get right to it (by the way, it will be a topic on my podcast). The answer, in my opinion to letting go and forgiving is a two-step process.

Over the years I’ve gotten several answers to this question from people such as,

“Just let go!”

“Just put it out of your mind!”

“You need to forget about it and move on.”

“You need a distraction to help you forget.”

Ok, I mean can you think of any more bad advice than those above? Seriously. I just giggled because of how stupid these answers are and yet how many times have I heard them? How many times have YOU heard them?

Ok, so let’s stay track with this. My two-step process is this:

Step 1: Grieve (this sounds easy, but it can quite a doozy!)
Step 2: Actively forgive (weird, I know, but I’ll explain)

“Good Grief Charlie Brown!”
I don’t know about you, but when I think of grief or grieving, I think of someone passing. However, I’ve come to know you can pretty much grieve anything you lose in life. A pet, a job, an old favorite t-shirt, etc. Also, you can grieve a past relationship with a significant other, and no, they don’t have to be dead.

There are several stages to grief and you can go through all of them, you could skip one or two and there’s no time limit on each stage. Some folks stay on one longer than others – it just depends on the individual.

The stages of grief include denial, anger, bargaining (i.e. “God/Higher Power, etc…. I’ll do this if you do that,” depression, and acceptance.

I Can’t Stand That “F” Word
Once you’ve gone through Step 1: The grieving process, then you can move onto forgiving, Step 2.

When I say “Actively Forgive” I mean it more of an action. For example, I say in my head, or out loud, “I forgive you, ____ for ____.” Sometimes I write a sticky note with these words and put it on my mirror.

Essentially, when you have feelings well up in you about that person, what they did, etc. you go through your action of forgiving. Eventually, it gets easier and easier and you’ll need to act less and less.

Oh, and a good rule of thumb is… you should include YOURSELF in this process too. I bet you didn’t even think of yourself, did you?

That’s a big one, I know, but an important one. You gotta love yourself first. Before you can love another.

Tell Me
Ok, it’s your turn. What do you think? What, who do you need to let go/forgive? Do you have any methods you’d like to share that have helped you? I want to know! Comment below.



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