What is a good wife? Is a good wife a dreamy, fairytale Zena warrior princess mixed with a Snow White who can bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan? Find out how I learned that the perfect wife doesn’t exist and how being a half-ass wife is the ultimate goal!
Recently I was talking with my therapist and we were discussing the definition of a good wife and my guilt revolving around not being able to “do it all” perfectly.
“I can’t sit still. I can’t stand it when there are dishes in the sink, kids have dirty faces and hands, a list of to-do’s yet to be done from my ‘real job,’ toys cluttering the floors, dust covering table tops, a treadmill sitting and waiting, sticky-coated floors, finger-print smudged mirrors, nothing ready for dinner, and … I could go on!”
No More Good Wife
I broke down and told my therapist that I can’t do it anymore. I can’t fit all of this in, in one day, AND have it pass the white glove test.
Oh, and this is just the stuff during the day! Not to mention dinner clean-up, kids bath time, and the “Netflix & chill” time after hours with the husband.
I mean, do people realize the pressure and expectations that are placed on moms these days?
As I’m explaining this, my therapist blurts out, “So what if you don’t get the dishes unloaded from the dishwasher, or the floors don’t get swept or you order take-out. What’s the worst that would happen?”
No One Will Die If The Dishes Are Dirty!
I stopped. I stared and I was speechless. What would happen? I thought of the worst right away – someone dying, but really?! Would someone ever die from any of those things not being done?
I said to her, “Well, I guess I’d be OK. I guess we would go on living and nothing serious would happen. I guess?!”
Her response: “So, what’s so bad about being a half-ass wife!?”
We both burst with laughter! Crying tears because we couldn’t contain ourselves with how ridiculous and silly I was being about trying to be the perfect wife. Belly laughs because we all know that perfection is false, Wonder Woman is just a character and it’s OK – life goes on.
What the hell, Kelly? LOL! Are you serious?
Hello, Half-Ass Wife
During my session, I had a huge epiphany and came to the realization that the only person that laid out these unattainable goals was me! It was all me. I was self-sabotaging and giving myself these unrealistic goals and to-dos.
My kids don’t care about sticky floors, or smudged mirrors. My husband doesn’t care about dusty table tops or clean dishes in the dishwasher. So, why do I? Why am I putting so much pressure on myself to be the perfect wife?
And, where was my own identity in all this? What was left for me?
My therapist looked at me and said, “So, do you think you could leave some things undone and some to-dos untouched and just do nothing? Do you think you could just stop, give your kids a hug and play with them for ten minutes? Do you think you could relax and enjoy doing something for yourself? Could you plan to take 15-minutes and have a solid conversation with your husband?
OMG! Yes. Yes, that is what I want. I blurted out, “Yes, I want to be that, and I’m going to be the BEST half-ass wife ever!”
I’m going to commit to being a human being with flaws and all. Dirty dishes included!
Put Down The Perfect & The Good
I’m going to put down the broom, leave the dirty dishes, shut down the laptop, and pick up a book, hug one of my kiddos, and write my hubby a love note. I’m going to do more of the things that matter and less of the things that don’t.
I’m going to be the BEST half-ass wife ever and my family is going to LOVE it! I’m going to do more self care things and give myself a break. Not because I deserve it, but because I’m learning to love myself and I’m going to start feeding my own needs just as much, if not more than I do for others.
Show Me Your Half-Ass Wifery!
So, are you a good wife? Are you ready to be the BEST half-ass wife you can be?
Comment below and tell me what you’re going to put down and pick up!