how a self care routine can make your marriage better than Netflix & chill

Got a self care routine? Listen, I’m no relationship expert – far, far from it. But, I can tell you how my decision to start a self care routine and my husband’s willingness to be an accessory put the spark back in our marriage.

I don’t know about you, but after you and your significant other have experienced having a couple of kids, or pets, you really do a lot of things to take care of them you never thought you would. And, some of those things can really put the kibosh on your romance.


For example, I never thought I’d walk in on my husband having to clean poo off the walls because my kid had such an explosive poo that it blasted the walls better than a nerf gun.

I never thought my husband and I would share the task of cleaning puke off our nice new couch, our clothes, shoes… until we had kids. I never imagined we’d share such mediocre and passion slaying times, but we did.

Yes, we survived. However, with each bodily fluid wrecking and “not so intimate” experience, we felt the magic go from a “David Copperfield” reality to more like an “I can pull a rabbit out a hat” show.



As some of you know, I suffer from chronic depression coupled with anxiety and those things together with being in the throes of parenthood isn’t the best combo. So, several months ago I told my husband I needed his help in getting me back on track with a self care routine and sparking up the romance department in our relationship. He agreed and was ready to take on my challenge.

So, he decided to start an “I appreciate you” campaign, as part of my own self care rituals that I had begun. We decided that together, we were gonna, as Pink says…, “Get this party started!” Somehow, someway.

In the process, to our surprise – something really cool happened.

We took our marriage from the same old Netflix & chill, media distracted Friday night to a truly caring, not gonna settle for an ordinary, done pretending, no more comparing, done sitting in silence kind of relationship.

Here are the self care routines and actions that spiced things up and continues to strengthen that best friend bond.

Love notes. In the kitchen, next to the coffee maker before I teach a yoga class, in my car on the dashboard, by the sink in our bathroom where I get ready in the morning, and on top of my purse that I grab when I’m leaving to go somewhere. Ok, get your mind out of the gutter people. This is where I find my love notes from my hubs.

Surprise! I love you’s. Surprise, I put away the dishes. Surprise, I finished the laundry and changed the bed sheets. Surprise, I arranged for the kids to be away this weekend so we can have some alone time.

Self-acceptance mantras. I saw a cute sign on Pinterest and showed it to him. Three days later I had the same sign hung on my mirror that read, “Ur a babe!” So, every day when I’m getting ready in the morning I can read and repeat to myself, “Ur a babe.” Even when I don’t feel it.


 A walk in the park. “Do you want to go for a walk?” I used to think, “This is so lame,” but found it to be very relaxing. Getting out and taking walks together has helped us to communicate better, get in some physical activity and enjoy the outdoors.

Just Unplug. When phones started becoming attached to our faces and scrolling through social feeds, reading emails, and letting the kids run rampant became an issue we decided we needed to unplug. Now, from about 5 pm – 8 pm we have family time without media. We put our phones down and started spending more time together, talking, reading, and playing outside with the kids. It’s made a huge difference and we’re not missing much.

Believe me, our marriage is far from perfect, but I’m proud to say we’ve taken some really important steps to connect better and improve our quality of life.

What are some of our self care actions you’ve taken to improve your daily living? What have you done or what will you do to take your marriage up a notch from Netflix & chill?

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